As the sun goes down...

Well.. some have easy and pretty cut out in terms of relationships and people! So its simple - Boy meets girl - Girl meets boy - Boy likes Girl and vice versa - 10 years of going out - fights arguments - feeling of being stuck in a space - comfort zones - college sweethearts , childhood sweethearts, met on the net , etc etc. and they are together - finally its D day and they get married and may or may not live happily ever after...

What happens when this happens - boy meets girl , girl meets another boy, boy meets girl after girl , girl dumps boy, boy dumps girl... and the works..

so here we have a story... boy is unusually intense .. girl is intrigued by the the boy ... lets call the boy Z - thats what girl wants it to be she wants him to be the "Z" on her list of people..

They spend hours of chatty conversations ... they have met just twice.This is the second meeting since they've know each other. There are no spoken words there is only silence and calm. Both have had their share of stormy weather and both want the quiet and the peace.Z is unexpectedly warm and he is thinking . The room is dark and these two people are sitting across each silent .. Both dont know what it is both dont know what they want. It just turns out they want two different things and are two different people. Z is focussed and knows what he wants out of life otherwise. He has got it all chalked out . She on the other is lost ..in translation of thought.She knows not what she is doing there staring into an empty space . They both know they want ..

She watches him , Z knows he's being looked at ...trying to read his mind wishing it was all so easy. There is something Z - something very different . But she is thinking if she has felt the same before .. The evening fades into darkness ... the questions remain... Will she ?

Spaces

Every time she tries to flip pages of her book she cannot focus and she is reading "Atlas Shrugged" .Ayn Rand is one of her favorite writers and she just picked up a copy of the book. Usually she is so taken by a book - that she is so totally engrossed. But the past few days she has been on the same piece back and forth trying to concentrate on the characters, she just cannot. Her thoughts go farther than the realm of her imagination. It takes her to people and places known.Sometimes its unbelievable how she chanced out, others called it lucky - she called it Chance. She was like a free spirit breathing for once.

She looks of out of the window of the plane - all she can see is nothing but a black space with a red light blinking on the wing of the aircraft - She is far far away from her real world. This was her moment. The other moments were all the little and beautiful people she met along the way.

She...

The weather is beautiful but something is amiss. There is a cloud of emptiness and disappointment hovering around her. She wishes for better. She wants it back just like she lost. She walks in the rain - she is trying to feel the raindrops - she can't they are just so far away.... she realises she cant feel anymore. Something within her just disappeared like whoooosh! She tries to get herself back to life - but its not her zone anymore. What must she do then? She picks up a book - stares at it wants to read but the words refuse to make sense. There is a lot on her mind ... like what she doesn't know. She tries to put it behind but cant.. She is waiting for time. Time played around yet again and how many more time. She decides to take another walk this time to familiar places. She wears her favorite red tee , her denims hanging low. She realises something has changed about the way she looks . She stands in front of the mirror and looks at her face - she doesn't seem to recognize the person - her being. Did she just see a ghost? She rummages through her bag and pulls out her Kohl - darkens her eyes - Her eyes look beautiful again. Perfect she says! She steps out ..there are people all over... and she is lost in the crowd ... she sees faces. Faces - unfamiliar faces - they scare her...

She will return !

Back to school

Today was strange... i went to staples .. and its strange that we now have staples to go to .. and it is the back to school time. So you see these little kids with their mommies and daddies all over the place. I was staring at a lot of stationery at every shelf and look at the notebooks and pencils . We didn't have so many options when we were little sounds like ages ago. So I picked up a note book priced at INR 100.. :) it took me back to the time .. if you are from my home you would remember - Poonam Stores was the name of the little dingy store on the centre street of our little town. June would be back to school and never as late as August. Red and blue line books to start with your first alphabets - aimed at perfection. Single line for the other stuff and square line for math. Cost of the book if i remember correctly anywhere between 5 to 10 depending on the number of pages. Once you bought the books you had to cover them. That covering was an art perfected by parents or an elder sibling in one of the higher classes. So you first used newspaper if you couldn't afford the brown paper. It rained and it poured and the rain water would drip through your school bag if it wasn't waterproof. So you had to use a plastic bag to save your books and to save your grades. Then came the brown paper plastic coated covers - they were there to save you the embarrassment.Those little little things. Your stationery never went beyond a Camlin box with a geometry set. Natraj pencils and hero pens were the way to go!

I am glad I remember all of this!

Silence

Today there is so much of silence around. The quiet seems to disturb. There are not many occasions when I get this quiet. But for a change I am not happy about it. A blue day maybe. But to think and feel that life will have to go on like this for some time to come in this calm is something I do not want to think of. There is a fear within me and maybe when your face to face to with your fears come the silence. However it is serene. And in my mind I can hear my conscience saying this TOO SHALL PASS. I am not sure what it is that makes it this way. But these phases of silence maybe be necessary in the hullabaloo called LIFE. Its not about breaking free . Its not about getting yourself into the whirlpool every other time. Its about the moment and truly feeling it!

Some people can handle their loneliness while others cant. If were you to know me well you would think I can . But sadly i would like to admit that I cannot and my understanding is that no one can . You cannot fight your loneliness pretending you can handle it. You need that something to keep going. Maybe we are just so caught up with our pseudo identities that we fail to touch the inner self. The voice deep down inside. We fail to recognize and wrap ourselves in constant denial of a very known fact. It is normal to be feel lonely and feel the Silence.

A memorable FIFA 2010

Most of us have had late nites - thanks to the timezone ! Nevertheless every moment of the FIFA 2010 has been totally worth it and memorable . I am going to miss it so much. Having followed most of the matches with my limited knowledge of Fußball.
We had our fancy calenders for our match schedules...

We had upsets and more upsets.. France, Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Germany ,Ivory Coast ,Ghana and Portugal largely...... !!!

It brought together as people who wouldnt never normally connect, right from facebook to work.The vuvuzela - the jabulani...waka waka and the waving flag will stay on our minds for some time...

Then there was Paul...the oracle.. the psychic octopus.. who was right 7/7 dont know about 8/8.
There was also the Paraguan Lingerie Model.... covered on all channels, news papers - who vowed to uncover if her country won...
The day this show began, i remember everyone person I knew saying it was Argentina or Brazil were the takers.But they did flirt with defeat...and lost ...
Netherlands ?? Spain?? who would have thought! But they did it..for either of them first time world champions is phenomenal.
There was so much of emotion floating.. everywhere. Today its over.. and the next world cup who knows ... where we will be.. we will just have memories of watching beautiful play together over beers and binging on foooddd..will still have facebook/twitter for our status updates..
I will totally miss my German boys, Kaka, Villa, Drogba, Henry,Iniesta, Torres, Gyan,Sneijder ... may be not if I am going to follow the league matches!!!

45 mins to the end of this the memorable FIFA 2010...:(

moving on :)

Why is moving on such a difficult phase? Why do you have to move on?
Thats like a people word. Everyone loves to use it - especially when they mean well for you! But it is annoying...I mean again its not like you sleep over stuff and you can move on!
Moving on happens ...over time it does.. but the more you ask some one to move on the more pissing off it is! Time is a great healer and with time people do move on . Besides everyone person can figure out for themselves .

A lot of people need to revisit the situation, person before they final take one big steps. Many rather that they do the baby steps instead and eventually one day BOOM ! Reality check!

The more you think about it the worse it gets. Sometimes you just cant do it even when you know your answers.Constant denial!! We cannot embrace the situation and that makes it tougher. But everyone has this realization when its time to get over with whatever it is ! Some can faster than the others .

So relax and take a deep breath - the next time some one says move on! Smile and say you will.
Sooner than ever.